it's almost vuelta time

la vuelta a espana starts in just four days.  it's the last grand tour of the summer.  as i said before, i feel like it's kind of the forgotten grand tour.  most cyclists give their all for the tour de france.    it's not uncommon to see key cyclists sit out the vuelta.   that being said, i love the vuelta.
one of the best parts of the european grand tours is the scenery.  spain is a beautiful country .  with 39 mountain passes, you can be sure that the vuelta won't disappoint.
i am looking forward to seeing a lot of good come out of some of the spanish riders.  most notably are joaquim rodriguez and alejandro val verde.  you can see the full start list here.
hope everyone has a happy day this sunday with the start of the vuelta.  

on being bipolar, or how cycling saved my life

to be honest, the title of this post isn't really far off the mark.  i've been toying with this blog post since the end of july 2011.  the only reason i have been trigger shy, is because it's very personal.  even now, trying to sort my thoughts, because i have so much to say seems difficult.  might as well start at the beginning i suppose.  this is only my personal story, so please don't compare it to anyone else's you may know.  i have been luckier than most when it has come to dealing with bipolar.

starting around the age of 19 and my first year of college, i suffered my first major depressive episode.  nothing gave me hope, and i tried to OD.  i got some charcoal in my tummy, and somehow convinced the doctors to not commit me that night.  within a week though, i was in a psych ward and back in it 2 weeks later.  psych wards are a weird place.  despite the air of depression, it provides a controlled environment to receive medication and sort out whatever is bothering you.  i sort of felt like a little kid, going to art therapy or playing a board game with whomever visited me.  little did i know, i'd be making a trip back 11 years later.

to avoid making a super long post, i am just going to sum up my 20's.  most of it, especially 20-25 was a major blur of depression, partying, feeling on top of the world, alcohol, drugs, and being an underground socialite.  i went to raves, but i was never a raver as most of the internet knows it.  i was a house head.  music was my church.  the best compliment i've ever received was at one of my best friend's birthday/new years eve party.  a girl came up to me to praise my dancing style.  she said she used to always watch me when i danced at an old party (fever) in baltimore.   she loved the way i danced so copied my style, a pretty huge compliment.  so i guess all that partying paid off, but i have also gained so many lasting friendships from those years.  

my 20's were a tumultuous period for sure.  many relationships, friendships, passions.  nothing ever seemed to stick, except for the friendships.  i wasn't right mentally.  i saw psychiatrists on and off.  got some sort of benzo and antidepressant concoction, heard that i was clinically depressed, and took my medications.  i would take them for awhile and then feel too wonderful, and then i went off of them.  hindsight is definitely 20/20, and frankly, my behavior and cycles of depression and elation were not normal.  i really wish i knew then what i know now.

i broke my foot one spring at work.  it was pretty simple, a box fell on it and broke the third metatarsal.  i didn't even realize i broke it!  i attempted to go running that night and walked on it for two weeks, before finally going to the emergency room.  i got a sweet hard cast, and no, i didn't allow anyone to sign it.  i ended up gaining a few pounds from being so inactive for a few weeks.  when the cast finally came off, i decided to dust off my old mountain bike, as i wasn't allowed to run quite yet.  i also took up swimming again.  i quickly became addicted to both.  i forgot how much i loved cycling and swimming after so many years of partying and depression.  i decided i wanted to do a triathlon.  i bought my first road bike, and one of my biggest purchases to date.  i ended up going with a 2008 specialized ruby elite.   i learned all i could about fixing my bike thanks to an ex who was a mechanic.  he also helped me train, as we would often ride together. i learned quickly with some other patient male friends and my brother.  i absolutely loved cycling.  

after september of 2009, i fell in to another deep depression.  elation to depression was the cycle i constantly dealt with.  it was exhausting and taxing.  in september of 2010, i changed careers.  at 30, i felt like i was finally "getting my life together".   i never went without and relied on myself, but i felt that the career change was what i needed.  i am lucky, i found a wonderful place to work.

in july of 2011, i found myself in a horrible state.  i was barely keeping it together.  life was, wake up in a panic, throw up, get it together for work, come home and drink until i could fall asleep.  i've experienced horrible anxiety throughout the years, but nothing like this.  my mind raced, my speech was fast, something i had grown accustomed to, but this was different.  i was at my wit's end and suicidal, because i just couldn't "come down".  i called out of work for the day, and decided i had to check myself in at the psych ward.  i was afraid, i would end up killing myself otherwise.  i went to sibley hospital, chain smoking the whole time.  i also drank a large bottle of wine that morning.  by 11am, i was in the emergency room and sending out texts to friends to let them know.  after a few hours, i was admitted upstairs to the psych ward.  oh my old friend, how i missed you.  not much had changed in the 11 years i had last been there.   

the first day or two is always awkward when hospitalized.  you feel even worse, like a failure.  it's also hard to be around other people who are just as bad or worse off than you.  eventually, you end up making friends.  the nurses encourage you to eat.  it slowly gets better in the week you are there.  my psychiatrist was a godsend.  off the bat, she diagnosed me with bipolar 2, since i was in a hypomanic state upon admittance.  i was awoken to vitamin b shots in my hip every morning, and ingested a whole slew of pills, including the old stand by lithium.  now, i am resigned to taking a ton of pills everyday for the rest of my life.  after 2 years of trying out meds and few relapses in to depression and hypomania, i've finally found the perfect cocktail of drugs (for now).  

so how does biking relate to my story?  it gave me hope and sanity.   i finally found a hobby that i loved and was good for me.  recently, i've added weight lifting as well.  it's nice to see progress and feel myself get even stronger.  thanks to years of cycling, my legs are my true strength.   life is just better on the bike.  it's a sport i love, and one that i love to follow.  it gave me hope when i had little.  even today, when my mood is off, i can always count on my bike to improve it.  i can never discount my meds and will take them for the rest of my life.  but the best part of all this?  i will always have cycling and my bikes to help keep me sane.

national suicide prevention lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255)

rest in peace wouter weylandt

today is a sad day at the giro.  after being touted as one of the hardest in years with epic climbs and crazy descents, the cycling world lost one of their own.  wouter weylandt was descending and crashed.  he suffered severe head trauma and they were never able to revive him.  there was video uploaded to youtube of weylandt post crash.  it was both gruesome and upsetting to see.  fumiyuki beppu had this to say about weylandt's crash, "Wouter Weylandt R.I.PI saw his crash real time. I was just behind him he was alone nobody around him at the moment on the downhill..."   the riders in the peloton didn't know the severity of the crash until after they all finished.  how gut wrenching for his teammates and for his best friend, tyler farrar.  not since the death of fabio casaretelli during 1995's tour de france, has the peloton had to deal with anything like this.  tonight i will raise my beer in weylandt's honor.  my thoughts and prayers are with his family, wife, friends and teammates. 

wow gilbert!!!

phillipe gilbert swept the three ardennes classics, with his final win today at liège-bastogne-liège.  i think this photo about sums up his awesomeness and his laughing at the schleck's while sitting up barely tops his last year's performance at lombardia when he pointed to his race number, 1.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TpRNg8bIzIE&wl#t=10m00s  so congrats gilbert on a sweep of the ardennes classics.  chapeau!

keirin!!!

on the tale end of this story, i'm back obsessing over keirin again.  gah, i wish i was at the manchester velodrome this weekend.  soo jealous of some people on twitter who were!   i stumbled upon these posters for sale today.  i think i need one of them in my life!  it would look amazing in my apartment, i promise!  hrmmm, now i want a geekhouse track bike too.  anyone??  :)

come on spring!

it's february and spring is around the corner.  it was nice to keep the cycling jacket in the closet today.  a base layer and long sleeve jersey were enough.  although, i was very happy that i opted for the shoe covers.  my toes are always cold.  march (and my birthday) are almost upon us, as well as the spring classics.  more on my birthday later!  some of my favorites are milan-san remo,  paris-roubaix, and liège–bastogne–liège.  can't wait!

and now it all begins...

the 2011 road season started yesterday with the santos tour down under.  the new team, leopard trek is making their debut alongside newly merged garmin cervelo.  rounding out the black and baby blue is team sky.  i haven't been able to find a feed yet to watch here in the u.s., but i assume it's still going to be hard to distinguish who exactly is in the middle of the peloton.
it's also lance armstrong's last international race.  well, until another race offers him a 2 million dollar appearance fee.  sadly, australia has experienced some devastating floods lately.  armstrong gave $50,000 for disaster relief.  kind of seems like chump change to me for what he received.
speaking of armstrong, twitter is now a sponsor of team radio shack.  if you have read a few of my previous posts, you know i am not really a lance fan.  i also do not follow him on twitter, but i do enjoy people's re-tweets and off hand comments to him.  sorry, i never earned the "banned by lance" addition to my avatar.  i digress.  the fact that twitter is sponsoring team radio shack almost caused me to shut down my twitter account in protest.  i slapped myself silly and snapped out of it, but not after i curled up in a ball and cried for a few hours.  for the love of all that is holy, what's next in terms of sponsorship?
so after stage 1, matt goss (htc-highroad) took the stage win and seems to be giving andre greipel (omega pharma-lotto) a run for his money.  it would be nice to see an australian win, especially with cadel not riding in this year's tour down under.  unfortunately, i have yet to find a feed that works, so i am stuck looking at pictures via velonation and steephill.tv.  i know the tour down under isn't the most exciting race, but it is the first race.  personally, i am looking forward to the spring classics and then my favorite race the giro d'italia.  this will do for now.

two things i love!

cycling and football.   by the way, my fantasy football team has made it to the playoffs!  team pedalphile is hoping for a first or second place finish, and i have to no shame to admit it's for the money.  i hope to have a win this weekend to make the finals next weekend.  who would want anything less?  not this girl, that's for sure!   keep your toes crossed for me!  :)


*update* i made it to the finals!  wish me luck this weekend!!!!

*update 2* second place.  not bad for my first try at this and i'm $80 richer. 

mountain biking!

i headed up to pittsburgh this past weekend with my friend tom to do the punk bike enduro, a fun mountain bike stage race.  seemed easy enough, right?  admittedly, i was a bit nervous, as i have never really mountain biked before and i wasn't exactly sure what i was getting myself in to. well, i certainly found out sunday.  lesson learned, mountain biking is hard!
i didn't really have the skills or knowledge on how to handle my bike.  i learned that quickly in either the first or second stage.  while attempting to go down the single track, i hit something.  i flipped over my handlebars, yelled "oh shit" and then laid there whimpering with my bike on my back.  ouch.  thankfully tom heard my whimpers and when i didn't get up right away, he grabbed the 25lb bike off my back.  hey!  thanks guy!  it was really too cold out (snow!) to feel the pain except for the wind being knocked out of me.  it wasn't until later would i realize how badly i hurt and would debate which was worse, road rash or eating dirt.  i decided then i was pretty happy that i made the decision to stick with the platform pedals and not borrow shoes and pedals from our awesome hostess eryn! 
ok, soo maybe i wasn't cut out for mountain biking.  i mean, everyone made it look soo easy!  i am used to pavement, where i don't have to contend with snow, mud, tree branches, AND rocks!!!  what the hell?  it didn't help with below freezing temperatures and mud as by stage 6, my rear derailleur was no longer shifting.  cool, i am now rocking a single speed.  i think anyone who wasn't riding a single speed encountered the same problem.  so there were 12 stages.  by stage 6, i was cold and my bones had started to hurt from my crash.  the beer a guy offered me helped to warm me up a bit.  i decided against grabbing any beer from the kegs stashed in the woods earlier, because sobriety was probably a wise decision after my fall.  all in all, i think i walked my bike more than i rode it, but i had a blast!  i really like mountain biking and the people who come with it.  they don't seemed as concern with matching kits and carbon.  i am now rocking some pretty vicious bruises, and it's hurt to laugh and cough all week thanks to bruised ribs.  maybe by next year i will have the mad skillz to actually finish!  until then, i am going to find some mountain bike bunny slopes to hit!  :)

p.s.  if you are ever in pittsburgh, check out the otb bicycle cafe.  great spot!

p.p.s. check out simon lamb's post over at la gazzetta della bici.  thanks simon!  :)

fall city riding

even our four legged friends like bike rides!  say hello to the coolest chorkie in the world, sophie!   i should invent pooch helmets.  where would her ears go though?!?!

it's cyclocross season

bring on the frites and belgium beer!  you guys can bring on the pain for yourselves.  my cross bike serves one purpose, and that is to get me to the bar and back.  hey, it's a steel s/s that i don't worry too much about when it's locked outside.  for now,  i'll watch from the side.  :)

35th!!!!!!! i rock!

yup! that's right yours truly ended up 35th in her fantasy tour de france league! check out the results over at simon lamb's marvelous cycling blog, la gazzetta della bici. i frankly find his blog to be one of the best cycling blogs on the internet, and he gets all this awesome schwag from pro cyclists. admittedly, i am a bit jealous too! hey, maybe i can get my baby daddy, andy schleck to send me his autograph! anyways, i am pretty excited about my fantasy team and it's placement, especially seeing how well i did in our huge league. i think our giro d'italia league was half the size! anyways, le tour ended and alberto contador proved himself to be a true champion. andy schleck came in second and truly earned his young rider's jersey. i really expect to see some amazing things out of him in the coming years!
so let's all get excited for the vuelta in august! i am excited to pick another fantasy team filled with my scientific choices. oooh, i think he is cute, like his team kit, wish i had that bike. it's worked for me so far as i have kicked simon's team's butt twice! we have a little competition between us for the vuelta. if he wins, i am sending him a vintage 70's campagnolo water bottle and a t-shirt with the dc flag! he can rock dc in london!

my new bike!

ahhh, so i pulled the trigger on the motobecane fantom cross uno, a single speed/fixed cyclocross bike. i got a great deal on it from bikes direct thanks to their mislabeling the seat tube. now, don't get me wrong, i love the murrrcycle (my specialized ruby elite), but frankly locking up a $2200 carbon frame bike outside bars in the city make me nervous. my new baby has a steel frame and is a work horse! it came with a dual hub, which i quickly converted to single speed. that made more sense to me as a road cyclist. i was pretty proud of myself for assembling it all by myself, but had to call in some reinforcements to help tension/align my breaks. wasn't exactly use to the avid shorty 4 break system, and assembling it with little upper body strength and no bike stand proved to be a bit of a challenge. my baby is ready to ride. i've taken it out on a few quick jaunts around dc so far. i love the fact that the hills are harder (good, i needed to strengthen my thighs), but the downhills are soo much fun. i've noticed on flat surfaces i can get my baby moving and keep up with traffic. now, i just need a clever name for my baby. any ideas? it's a black frame, red/grey lettering, and a bad ass bike all around. i was thinking black beauty or the uno. after a few more rides, it will come to me. until then...i'll see you on the bike!!